- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not fallow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
- Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If at first you don't succeed... skydivings is not for you.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.
- There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.