Dumb and Funny Signs
Please disregard any typos you find on this page
of my site. They are most likely part of the actual sign. - omega13a
Announcement in the Zoo: Please don't scare the ostriches! cement floor!
At a Barcelona travel agency: Go Away
At a Budapest shop: Very smart! Almost pansy!
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. (submited by Mriana
At a Colon restaurant: Because of the impropriety of entertaining persons of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is requested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
At a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
At a French swimming pool: Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the savior.
At a motorway garage: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
At a movie theater:
At an Israel butcher shop: I slaughter myself twice daily.
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. (submited by Mriana
At a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking
At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit please back in. (submited by Mriana
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills. (submited by Mriana
At a road closer:
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout. (submited by Mriana
At a Tokyo barbershop: All customers promptly executed
At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows. (submited by Mriana
At a Walmart: Great Gifts For Mom! We Have Viagra
At a Zanzibar barbershop: Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors.
At a Zoo: Please do not molest the animals.
At the Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be. (submited by Mriana
English sign in a German cafe: Mothers, please wash your hans before eating
Found above a Majorcan shope entrance: English well talking here speeching American.
Found in an Irish pub: Do not drop cigarette ends on the floor as they burn the hands and knees of customers as they leave.
Found on a menu of a Swish Restaurant: Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.
In a Barcelona hospital: Visitors two to a bed and half an hour only.
In a field on the side of the road to this website's owner's grandmother's home: One Acre Comming Soon
In a Havana hotel: Guests are prohibited from walking around in the lobby in large groups in the nude.
In a health-food shop window: Closed due to illness
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
In a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs
In a materinity ward: No children allowed.
In a Moscow hotel: If this is your first vist to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels. (submited by Mriana
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up. (submited by Mriana
In a Seville cathedral: It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner is dressed as a man.
In a store at Watson Lake, Yukon Territory, Canada:
(submited by Tilas Trinity
In a toilet in a London office block: Toilet out of order. please use floor below
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! (submited by Mriana
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait. (submited by Mriana
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
Norfolk farm gate: Beware! i shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
Notice in a dry cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish: Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.
On a church door: This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door. this door is kept locked because of the draft.
On a Fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive. (submited by Mriana
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push. (submited by Mriana
On an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts. (submited by Mriana
On a Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber. (submited by Mriana
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels (submited by Mriana
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff. (submited by Mriana
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. everyone welcome
Outside a farm: Horse manure 50p per pre-packed bag 20p do-it-yourself
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming. (submited by Mriana
Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also
Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. it will remain closed after being opened. open tomorrow.
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix. (submited by Mriana
Sign warning of quicksand: Quicksand. any person passing this point will be drowned. by order of the district council.
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car